A Moment of Enlightenment

Every night before I get into bed, I check on my girls. They're generally fast asleep when I go in there and they usually don't waken when I enter their room. Every once and a while, though, I step in the wrong spot at the wrong time and one of the girls wakes up a bit.

The other night, my oldest woke up and was very upset about something she wanted to sleep with but wasn't in her bed. It took me a bit to understand what she was saying (she was mostly asleep and she's only 2) but I finally understood she wanted this little glowworm toy she's been obsessed with lately. I couldn't find the toy in her crib, so I gave her a puppy instead and she went back to sleep.

After getting the girls tucked in, I went into my room and got ready for bed. I had no intention of looking for the glowworm, but I happened to find it in my drawer, so I took it back into the girls' room. My oldest daughter barely opened her eyes, stuck her hand in the air, took the proffered toy, mummured "thank you" and promptly went back to sleep.

As seemingly insignificant at this moment may seem, to me, it really solidified my role in my daughters' lives. My daughter inherently seemed to know I would supply her needs/desires. I didn't even know I would find the toy, but apparently she had no doubts. It also told me something about the connection we have. Upon entering the room, I didn't have to say a word; my daughter simply knew why I was there and what I was doing.

There are days I feel like I'm still playing dress up at being a mom. I don't feel like I look and/or act like the other groups of moms you see everywhere or the groups of moms I saw all the time when I was a kid. But moments like the other night, simply supplying a toy, make me realize that to my daughters, I am the mom, whether I always feel like it or not.