Monday, April 23, 2012

Inherent Truths

I sort of got this idea from a friend of The idea of Truth is an interesting one...for him, it's what he's named his penis. I don't have a penis, so I can't name mine, and I'm not calling my vagina a liar, but I haven't named that either.


As I've gotten older, gotten married, become a mom and all that jazz, I've become familiar with some of my Truths.  Here are some, in no particular order:

1. I am a horrible housekeeper. I never had any intention of being a housekeeper, so I suppose it's ultimately ok that I suck at it. I do what you might call "good enough cleaning". Which essentially means if I get done sweeping and mopping the floors and I come across a rogue Cheerio, that bitch is getting kicked right under the couch. Where it will then stay for at least 3 weeks.

2. I am not a morning person. Not even a little bit. My husband is a morning person. And my children wake up in the morning and although they are tiny people, I'm certain in a past life they were both elephants and ring masters, the way they run around the house and shout. The house literally shakes. I have come to accept the Truth about not being a morning person...essentially...tough shit. Oh, and there will be payback when the little people turn into teenagers. Mwahaha.

3. I need caffeine. I think that's pretty self-explanatory.

4. I am one of those moms at the playground reading her Kindle. Yes, that may offend you hugely. But I don't care. The playground is made for the children, not for me. I don't need to be crawling around or hanging from monkey bars. I did that when I was a kid. I know my kids voices, I look up from my Kindle every 45 seconds or so and I never go to a crowded playground. If someone gets hurt, I get up and check out the situation. Usually all it requires is a kiss. It's good enough for me. If you want to play on the equipment, more power to you. I won't judge you. But I will still be reading my Kindle.

5. I almost constantly feel guilty that my husband is out working his body into the ground, while I stay home "just watching the kids". I don't believe I'm actually "just" watching the kids, but I've still got the guilt thing going. I blame it on a Catholic upbringing, but it probably applies to pretty much any religion.

6. Some days, I really am Super Woman. There are days I run errands, get to the kids to and from school, make all the meals for the day from scratch, get the house cleaned, do 5 loads of laundry and still have time to write my blog.

7. Some days, I totally suck. There are days when I am crabby as hell, the kids make me nuts, the dog eats the air conditioner, I have no clean clothes, the kids refuse to wear pants, my husband gets moldy bread on his sandwich and I need a glass of wine by 10:30 a.m. I'm not saying I actually drink the wine at 10:30 a.m., but I may start it chilling at 9 a.m.

8. I need quiet, I get burnt out and there's a 99% chance I will wait until I am a raging crazy person before I realize, "Hey, it's been like 3 months since I took a weekend away from the kids. And I better do it this weekend or some of us will not survive." The husband is always supportive of these weekends...mostly because he realizes the raging crazy person will be the one to survive.

9. I have to read. Every day. And I'm not talking kid books. I'm talking books where people get murdered or there's a few raunchy sex scenes or historical fiction...where people get murdered and there's more than a few raunchy sex scenes.

10. I'm a pretty good mom. And I'm a pretty good wife. I'm not saying I'm you can see from my previous Truths. But I try, every day, to be good to my kids and to be good to my husband. Some days, I rock it out of the park. Other days, they encourage me to go to bed early. But on the whole, I'm pretty good at the roles. And I'm pretty proud of that.

And you, dear Reader? Do you have any Truths to impart?