She Who Laughs Last

My husband leaves tomorrow for Oklahoma (Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma - have you ever seen Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?). He's leaving for 5 days and leaving me behind with 3 children under the age of 4, 1 dog and 2 cats. Needless to say, I'm a little nervous about being completely overwhelmed.

So, in order to cheer myself up a bit, I made myself a martini and trolled the web for some humorous quotes about motherhood.

Here are a few I came across:

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
~Jane Sellman

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.
~Lisa Alther

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.
~Beverly Jones

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one."
~Jill Churchill

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
~Milton Berle

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
-Roseanne

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
-Mark Twain

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
-Roseanne

Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
-Mae Maloo

My mother's great. She has the major looks. She could stop you from doing anything, through a closed door even, with a single look. Without saying a word, she has that power to rip out your tonsils.
-Whoopi Goldberg

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
-Erma Bombeck

Wish me luck people. It could be a long week.