Dance Dance Revolution

This year, I decided the girls needed an activity to do, so I signed them up for dance class. I wasn't sure if they'd like it or not, but they absolutely LOVE it. They get so excited every week when I tell them it's a dance class day. The older one takes a tap/ballet combo and the younger one just has ballet. They have the same teacher, whom they ADORE. All in all, it's been a really good experience for all of us.

At the end of the year, the kids have a recital. Each class puts on a little group performance. They have special costumes. They have to wear their hair a certain way. They may wear makeup. They also have Picture Day.

Cue "Jaws" music.

This was my first experience with Picture Day. And what I've deemed the Pageant Mom. Pageant Mom is a scary beast, let me tell you. I was afraid...very afraid. And I don't live anywhere close to Texas. That's where I think the scariest PMs live. But I could be wrong.

So, here's the deal: When they sent home information about pictures, they essentially told us the kids needed to wear their costumes. That was really the only instruction. For the recital, they need to wear their hair a certain way and we may want to consider putting a little blush on the kids so they don't get washed out under the stage lights. But for pictures, they didn't need to do anything special aside from wear their costumes and show up at the appointed time.

The 2-year olds' class went off without a hitch. The kids were adorable. They did their individual shots, then a group shot, got their suckers for being troopers and off we went.

I assumed the 3-year old class would go the same way.

Well, you know what they say about assuming things. Only this time, I wasn't the you-know-what.

Apparently, once a little girl hits the ripe old age of 3, the PM comes out in full force. And a force it is.

So, I'm sitting in the hallway, with my 3-year old. She's cute as can be in her little costume and her naked little face.

Then the other 3-year olds start rolling in. It was like a freaking Jon Benet Ramsey parade. And if you've seen the pictures of that kid, then you know what freaky looks like! These 3-year olds had on mascara, eye shadow, blush and sparkly lip gloss. Hair was curled and sprayed within an inch of its life. Moms were fussing over exactly where the hair should fall over the shoulder. They're working on poses. It was all I could do to not stare.

The advice I gave my kid? Smile with teeth. And please god, don't look at these other girls, and their crazy ass mothers, and think "Hey, they're prettier than me."

Something tells me I might not be cut out for the world of dance. Or, perhaps, my kid will be the one who says, "Mommy? Do I have to wear this crap* on my face? It feels funny. I'd rather make mud pies."

*Ok, so she better not say "crap" but we'll all know that's what she means.