And She's Off!

I pictured it like this:

My husband would be at work. The girls would be playing. I would probably be folding laundry or cleaning up the breakfast dishes. The phone would ring. The lovely man at the other end would offer me the job, insisting on paying me at least $25 an hour. Although the job was only temporary, they would be so impressed with my skills at the end of the temp period, they would insist I stay on full-time, with incredible benefits. I would make enough money that my husband could stay home with the girls and stop killing his body with manual labor. I would be able to plan an extraordinary, extravagant birthday party for my husband's 40th this summer. I would start writing on the side, secretly sending manuscripts off to publishers. The manuscript would sell, the publisher would option 3 more books, and by the time I finished the last book, I would be able to work from home and we'd be able to start traveling the world with the girls.

Here's what actually happened:

My husband went to work. The girls were playing. I was making phone calls to the insurance company and the bank. I checked my email while I waited in customer service hell. One email looked promising, but actually read something like, "I'm really sorry to have to send you an email. If it makes you feel better, the two people we hired were really terrific in a very tough pool of competition. You have a lot going for you and I hope you keep your head up as you continue your job search."

And the daydreaming came screeching to a halt.

The whole situation is odd, really. I didn't want to go to the interview in the first place. I went and ended up really enjoying the process, the interaction with adults. The job would have been freaking perfect. I walked out feeling really confident. The interviewers seemed to really like my answers, I made them laugh, they didn't make me sweat. All in all, it was a great scenario. So, I started daydreaming (see above) and then I got the email this morning.

And now I'm back where I started - debating whether I really want to work while the girls are this little; debating if my husband's body can stand up for a few more years until the girls start school; debating if our marriage can continue to stand the stress of one source of income in trying economic times. Debating, debating, debating.

And you, dear reader, any debates going on? Internal or otherwise? Feel free to share...