I Don't Know How to Vacation

Yep, you read that right:

I don't know how to vacation. And I'm leaving for one in two days.

I used to know how to vacation. Hubs and I went on a glorious 2-week honeymoon to Greece and the Greek Islands. We ate, we drank, we slept in, we had sex on beaches with people within 1o feet of us - we had a good ass time and we knew what we were doing.

Hubs took me camping for a week and even though I am NOT a camper, even that was a vacation. There was wine, books, a hammock, fresh fish and I pretty much didn't have to do anything.

Major change since the last vacations: Kids.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like we haven't left the house since we've had kids, but kids and vacation do not meld well together, at least at this stage in the game. If you try to vacation with an infant, your life pretty much comes to a screaming halt every 2-3 hours so said infant can eat, burp, poop and then go back to sleep. It makes a 12-hour car ride turn into a 24-hour affair. If you've got toddlers in the mix, there's the potty breaks, the "I'm starving" breaks and the other potty breaks because "I didn't have to go then." I can't speak to vacations with the over 5 crowd, but I'm willing to bet they've got their own set of issues.

So, in 2 days, I am headed to Florida with my mother-in-law, her sister-in-law and my sister-in-law. It's a girls trip. And it came about because last spring my husband went on a 2-week hunting trip to Argentina with his dad and sister. Their spouses decided to make it a family venture, so I was home all by my lonesome with the kiddos. For 2 weeks. It was tough. But I told my husband to go on the trip and I sincerely meant it. How often does one get offered a trip like that? I've only seen it happen once, so I'm assuming not too often.

Well, my mil decided it wasn't fair that I didn't get to go, so she said we'll go on a girls trip later in the year. I thought it was a lovely offer, but didn't really expect it to happen. Not that she's a flake, just that it's much easier to say we'll do a trip than it is to actually plan it. But she planned it and I was the picker. I got to pick wherever I wanted to go, for one week. I debated a few different scenarios, but ultimately told her I don't care where we go as long as there is ocean, beach and relaxation. That was my sole criterion. So, she took care of all the arrangements and now we leave...on Thursday.

And I am freaking the shit out. I've started to hover around the children and husband. I make the baby nap with me. I try and sneak the puppy into bed with me every night. I'm trying to figure out a way to steal the kids' blankies without them having royal shit fits for my husband every night.

I've been away from the kids before. And I trust them completely in my husband's care. But I have never been away from all of them for this long. And while I'm sure the trip will be great, and while I definitely deserve this break (it's been over 5 years without a proper vacation), we are talking about 7 whole days from the insanity which is my life.

And it freaks my shit out.