I am not perfect

I admit it...I am not perfect. In fact, I'm incredibly far from perfect. What?! I must be kidding, right? A person, a woman, a wife and mother, no less, is not perfect?! What is the world coming to?

While it may not be a shock to you, dear reader, that the author of this blog is not a perfect person, woman, wife, mother, etc., it's not the easiest thing for said author to admit. I'm your typical type A personality and perfection, or the pursuit thereof, sort of comes with the territory. The other day, however, I was listening to a local talk radio station and the topic was "living imperfectly." I was intrigued. Being so intrigued, I figured at least one other person on the planet had to be intrigued; thus, the birth of a blog.

Now, seriously, who truly wants to live imperfectly? We want to be the best we can be, right? We want our kids to have better than we had, we want to be good at our relationships, we want to be strong and independent women, we want to be supermoms, we want fulfilling careers, we want, we want, we want... Well, truth be told, I want a nap. A good, long, left lines on my face, my shoulders and hips ache, I don't know whether it's Tuesday or Sunday nap.

About 5 months ago, I left my job as a "publishing specialist" to stay home with my 2 young daughters. My husband and I made this decision after much time and consideration. We knew it would be somewhat of a hardship for us, but decided it was what would be best for our girls in the long run. I was making enough money to cover the cost of insurance and daycare, if I stayed working full-time, and that was about it. So, I became a stay-at-home mom of a 5-month old and a 18-month old. Yep, they're 13 months apart...to the day.

The transition was quite a shock. I've literally been making my own money since I was 12. Not that I haven't had help along the way, but to go from working at least 40 hours a week, to running after a toddler and her still-nursing sister all day every day...well, let's just say it was an adjustment...and not a pretty one. 5 months later, I just feel like I'm starting to get the hang of things. Which brings me back to our topic - Living Imperfectly.

When I was working, I felt like I should be home. Now that I'm home, I feel guilty for not contributing to the household income. When the girls are napping, I feel like I should be cleaning the house spotlessly when I really want to sit down for a few minutes and collect my thoughts. When I play with the girls, I feel like I should be mowing the lawn or doing another load of laundry. When my husband comes home from work, I feel like I should have a made-from-scratch meal on the table and a martini in hand.

The reality is this...I get sick of playing the same games with the girls all day long. I hate cleaning my house. I'm tired of coming up with things to cook for breakfast, lunch, dinner and lord knows how many snacks - every day. Some days, gasp, I let the girls watch cartoons for longer than 20 minutes. Some days, I have a short temper. Some days I dream about the days when I was single and didn't have to answer to anyone. Day to day life can be hard. I am not a supermom. And here's the kicker - I'm pretty sure I don't want to be.

What I want to be is a good person, a strong woman, a loving wife and a kick ass mom. What I want to do is be all those things without falling into the trap of being some kind of crazy super woman who looks like she's always put together but inside is screaming for some Valium and a dirty martini at 6:30 am. What I want to do is live my life imperfectly and be OK with it. And part of me needs to know that other people will be OK with that, too.

Will I be able to pull it off this lofty goal? Stay tuned...