I went to a lecture the other night, given by our local Early Childhood and Family Education chapter. The speaker was Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, author of several parenting books. At the lecture, Kurcinka spoke about power struggles and how to avoid them.
One absolutely fascinating thing I learned from this lecture was this:
When children have tantrums - the kind when they're all revved up, screaming, crying, turning blue, etc. - something physically happens to their inner ear and said children...wait for it...
LITERALLY CANNOT HEAR YOU!
Can you believe it?! I forget the actual physiology of the ear thing, but it's something to do with a muscle relaxing (or tightening) around the inner ear, and this makes the child incapable of hearing anything as the ear drum is blocked.
So, while we may think the child is ignoring us, or that talking louder (ok, yelling) will make the child pay attention to us, there's really nothing that can be done until the child calms down enough for the ear muscle to return to its normal state.
Just some food for thought the next time your little one decides to throw the big one...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sleeping with the Enemy
I like to sleep. Anyone who knows me will tell you I am not a morning person, I'm barely an afternoon person and come nighttime, I'm ready for bed again. I love my bed, my pillows, feeling warm and comfortable, the stack of books next to my bed...I'm a sleeper.
As a sleeper, I don't so much like to share my sleeping space. My husband has his side of the bed and that's about all I'm willing to give up. No cats allowed, no dogs allowed (unless I'm the only one in the bed) and no kids allowed. Those are the rules of the bed.
When I was pregnant, I told my husband, from the get-go, the children would not sleep in our bed. It was our bed and I wanted it to stay that way. I have no issues with parents who co-sleep - more power to you if that's what you want to do. Not my cup of tea.
When the girls were just born, I figured out they would sleep longer after a feeding if they slept next to me and touched me. At that point in the game, I was tired enough to understand the benefit (largely for myself) of letting the baby sleep with me for a few hours. I was fine with that. Once they graduated to sleeping through the night, however, there was no more sleeping in the Mom Bed (that's what the girls call my bed. And I sincerely believe they think it's a proper noun. They also know I'm a sleeper.)
There have been times that I've let the girls nap with me. And that's mostly been because it was the only way to actually get them to fall asleep on a given day. Those ocassions, however, have been rare.
Why am I rambling about sleeping, you ask? Because the girls have had colds for the past week and have not been sleeping. As a result, there have been 3 nights in the past week when I resorted to allowing the children to sleep in my bed. The older one slept with us for 2 nights and the younger one for 1.
Big deal, right? So I let the munchkins sleep with me for a few nights. So what?
So...my eldest weighs less than a large bag of dog food and she takes up an entire queen-sized bed. Not only does she lie the long way across the width of the bed, but she insists on either laying on my head or burrowing into her dad and putting her feet on my head. She kicks me in the bladder, knees me in the stomach and wakes up every 30 minutes or so because she wants to PLAY! It's almost like being pregnant again except this time she's on the outside.
And the little one?! Well, she heats up to about a billion degrees, gets everything all sweaty and SNORES. You wouldn't think that sound could come out of that tiny little body, but come out it does...steadily and constantly.
That's right folks. Sleeping with my children is akin to sleeping with the enemy and there's not enough coffee in the world the following morning. After the third night, I'd completely had it. I informed my eldest this was the last night she would be sleeping with mommy and daddy and I readied myself for the fight of the century come bedtime. And you know what? She went to her own bed with no fuss and she slept straight through the night. Apparently she was as sick of sleeping with me as I was of her. Go figure.
As a sleeper, I don't so much like to share my sleeping space. My husband has his side of the bed and that's about all I'm willing to give up. No cats allowed, no dogs allowed (unless I'm the only one in the bed) and no kids allowed. Those are the rules of the bed.
When I was pregnant, I told my husband, from the get-go, the children would not sleep in our bed. It was our bed and I wanted it to stay that way. I have no issues with parents who co-sleep - more power to you if that's what you want to do. Not my cup of tea.
When the girls were just born, I figured out they would sleep longer after a feeding if they slept next to me and touched me. At that point in the game, I was tired enough to understand the benefit (largely for myself) of letting the baby sleep with me for a few hours. I was fine with that. Once they graduated to sleeping through the night, however, there was no more sleeping in the Mom Bed (that's what the girls call my bed. And I sincerely believe they think it's a proper noun. They also know I'm a sleeper.)
There have been times that I've let the girls nap with me. And that's mostly been because it was the only way to actually get them to fall asleep on a given day. Those ocassions, however, have been rare.
Why am I rambling about sleeping, you ask? Because the girls have had colds for the past week and have not been sleeping. As a result, there have been 3 nights in the past week when I resorted to allowing the children to sleep in my bed. The older one slept with us for 2 nights and the younger one for 1.
Big deal, right? So I let the munchkins sleep with me for a few nights. So what?
So...my eldest weighs less than a large bag of dog food and she takes up an entire queen-sized bed. Not only does she lie the long way across the width of the bed, but she insists on either laying on my head or burrowing into her dad and putting her feet on my head. She kicks me in the bladder, knees me in the stomach and wakes up every 30 minutes or so because she wants to PLAY! It's almost like being pregnant again except this time she's on the outside.
And the little one?! Well, she heats up to about a billion degrees, gets everything all sweaty and SNORES. You wouldn't think that sound could come out of that tiny little body, but come out it does...steadily and constantly.
That's right folks. Sleeping with my children is akin to sleeping with the enemy and there's not enough coffee in the world the following morning. After the third night, I'd completely had it. I informed my eldest this was the last night she would be sleeping with mommy and daddy and I readied myself for the fight of the century come bedtime. And you know what? She went to her own bed with no fuss and she slept straight through the night. Apparently she was as sick of sleeping with me as I was of her. Go figure.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Terrible Twos
My eldest daughter will be 3 in July. Thus far, the 2s haven't been so terrible. In fact, the majority of 2 has been pretty enjoyable. The past few weeks, however, have given new meaning to Terrible Twos...at least for the Schmidt household. And to be perfectly honest, it makes me fear the 3s. I hear through the grapevine the 3s are even worse.
As her way of embracing the 2s, and probably in an effort to make up for the fact she's been pretty good up until now, my daughter has become the master contrarian. Take our conversation last night:
Me: What do you want for dinner?
Abigail: Ummm...
Me: A hot dog?
Abigail: Nooo
Me: Grilled cheese sandwich?
Abigail: Mac and cheese!
Me: We don't have mac and cheese.
Abigail: I WANT MAC AND CHEESE!
Or a similar conversation we had this morning:
Me: Do you want yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast?
Abigail: French toast!
In addition to her general contrariness, she's also become prone to meltdowns. This afternoon she had a doozy. Tears, runny nose, more tears, hiccups, the whole 9 yards. When I asked her if she wanted to rock for a little bit, she agreed, so we climbed into the glider and rocked for a bit. She immediately curled into me, took a deep breath and we stayed that way for about 20 minutes. We listened to the dryer clacking and the cars driving past the house. While we sat there, it occurred to be that as sassy, bossy and generally obnoxious as I think she is at times, it's really hard to grow up. A 2-year old only has so many words, can only do so much for him/herself, relies on other people for practically everything even though s/he wants to do everything by him/herself and is constantly being told/reminded/instructed what to do. If I had someone doing that to me everyday, I'd freakin' lose it!
In thinking about this, I realize I need to be more patient with my children. As frustrating as it may be for me to have to tell them constantly to say "please" and "thank you" and to not push each other and to be nice to people and get out of other peoples' way and everything else I have to do ALL THE TIME, they have to listen to it. And that can't be easy either.
As her way of embracing the 2s, and probably in an effort to make up for the fact she's been pretty good up until now, my daughter has become the master contrarian. Take our conversation last night:
Me: What do you want for dinner?
Abigail: Ummm...
Me: A hot dog?
Abigail: Nooo
Me: Grilled cheese sandwich?
Abigail: Mac and cheese!
Me: We don't have mac and cheese.
Abigail: I WANT MAC AND CHEESE!
Or a similar conversation we had this morning:
Me: Do you want yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast?
Abigail: French toast!
In addition to her general contrariness, she's also become prone to meltdowns. This afternoon she had a doozy. Tears, runny nose, more tears, hiccups, the whole 9 yards. When I asked her if she wanted to rock for a little bit, she agreed, so we climbed into the glider and rocked for a bit. She immediately curled into me, took a deep breath and we stayed that way for about 20 minutes. We listened to the dryer clacking and the cars driving past the house. While we sat there, it occurred to be that as sassy, bossy and generally obnoxious as I think she is at times, it's really hard to grow up. A 2-year old only has so many words, can only do so much for him/herself, relies on other people for practically everything even though s/he wants to do everything by him/herself and is constantly being told/reminded/instructed what to do. If I had someone doing that to me everyday, I'd freakin' lose it!
In thinking about this, I realize I need to be more patient with my children. As frustrating as it may be for me to have to tell them constantly to say "please" and "thank you" and to not push each other and to be nice to people and get out of other peoples' way and everything else I have to do ALL THE TIME, they have to listen to it. And that can't be easy either.
Magical Powers
As you all know, I have 2 little girls. What you may not know, what you may be amazed to know...is that having these 2 little girls has somehow given me magical powers. Don't believe me? Read more and be amazed...
1. My kisses can heal the world. Seriously! I kid you not! If one of the munchkins bumps her head or shuts her fingers in the door or bites her tongue or falls off the roof, one or two kisses from yours truly makes it all better.
2. I can make small children fall fast asleep - even when they don't want to sleep. If, at nap time, one of the girls is fighting her nap, I can put her into my bed, cuddle up next to her and within minutes, said stinker will be sleeping. I seem to have inherited this magical power from my own mother. The kryptonite for this power: 2 non-sleeping stinkers. I haven't mastered that power...yet.
3. I can understand toddler talk. You may not think this overly impressive, but if a small child wandered up to you and said, "Poop den. Deepa. O dere!" would you know what to do and where to go? Translation: My youngest child pooped again and needs a diaper, which she has already put over there.
4. When I rock, the world stops. My eldest daughter is 2 1/2. And these days she's really making sure to embrace her 2-ness. Yet if a meltdown occurs, I can take her to my glider, rock for a few minutes and suddenly, everything is right with the world again. At least for a few minutes.
5. My children are alive and thriving. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. Nuff said.
And you, dear reader, what magical powers have you?
1. My kisses can heal the world. Seriously! I kid you not! If one of the munchkins bumps her head or shuts her fingers in the door or bites her tongue or falls off the roof, one or two kisses from yours truly makes it all better.
2. I can make small children fall fast asleep - even when they don't want to sleep. If, at nap time, one of the girls is fighting her nap, I can put her into my bed, cuddle up next to her and within minutes, said stinker will be sleeping. I seem to have inherited this magical power from my own mother. The kryptonite for this power: 2 non-sleeping stinkers. I haven't mastered that power...yet.
3. I can understand toddler talk. You may not think this overly impressive, but if a small child wandered up to you and said, "Poop den. Deepa. O dere!" would you know what to do and where to go? Translation: My youngest child pooped again and needs a diaper, which she has already put over there.
4. When I rock, the world stops. My eldest daughter is 2 1/2. And these days she's really making sure to embrace her 2-ness. Yet if a meltdown occurs, I can take her to my glider, rock for a few minutes and suddenly, everything is right with the world again. At least for a few minutes.
5. My children are alive and thriving. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. Nuff said.
And you, dear reader, what magical powers have you?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Technical Difficulties
Please excuse the recent lack of entries. We were experiencing some technical difficulties with our computer. I believe I've worked out all the bugs. Stay tuned for more updates!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Confession
As you know, I've got a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. I love my children dearly, but I've also come to realize that I miss having time to myself and time alone with my husband. Granted, I get that time when the girls go to bed, but even when they're in bed, I'm still in Mom mode - listening for coughs in the night, bed escapees, etc.
Luckily for me, my husband and I are blessed with relatives who love our kids as much as we do and said relatives will occasionally offer (or are bribed into) to watch the girls for the night. At a house other than ours. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's a lovely, lovely thing. My husband and I get some quality time together, we get to sleep in the next morning and the girls honestly have fun being the center of someone else's world for a few hours.
As lovely as it is for the girls to be gone for a few hours, and as much as I enjoy the peace and quiet, I have a dirty little secret:
Whenever the girls are gone for the night, I sleep with something of theirs - a blanket, a teddy bear, basically whatever I can find that smells like them.
My husband, of course, finds this highly amusing. And, quite honestly, so do I. But I continue to do it, whenever they're gone for the night. And I'm sure I will for some time to come. I'm hoping to be over it by the time they go to college. I figure that should give me enough time to adjust to the change.
Luckily for me, my husband and I are blessed with relatives who love our kids as much as we do and said relatives will occasionally offer (or are bribed into) to watch the girls for the night. At a house other than ours. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's a lovely, lovely thing. My husband and I get some quality time together, we get to sleep in the next morning and the girls honestly have fun being the center of someone else's world for a few hours.
As lovely as it is for the girls to be gone for a few hours, and as much as I enjoy the peace and quiet, I have a dirty little secret:
Whenever the girls are gone for the night, I sleep with something of theirs - a blanket, a teddy bear, basically whatever I can find that smells like them.
My husband, of course, finds this highly amusing. And, quite honestly, so do I. But I continue to do it, whenever they're gone for the night. And I'm sure I will for some time to come. I'm hoping to be over it by the time they go to college. I figure that should give me enough time to adjust to the change.
Monday, February 23, 2009
20 Minutes of Quiet - It's All I Ask
Winter in Minnesota can get really brutal....especially if you're an introverted mother of two active toddlers who never stop making noise. Especially if you're married to a man who can tune out anything. Especially is you have pms. Especially if it's a Tuesday.
I've had a couple tough days with the girls lately. The oldest is just getting done with a nasty cold and, of course, the youngest now has it. The cold makes them cough at night, which, of course, wakes me up. Several times. Every night.
On top of the colds, my oldest is having, oh, let's call them issues, shall we? She has figured out how to huff at me when I don't say something she likes...which tends to happen at least 20,000 times per day. She's been spending a lot of time in the corner for not talking nicely. And she's 2.
The youngest, on the other hand, doesn't want to eat in her chair and firmly believes that her father is God's gift. Now, her dad is a good guy. She wouldn't be here if he wasn't a good guy. That being said, when I'm the one doing absolutely everything for this child on a minute-to-minute basis, having her run to Daddy every time I say no makes life a teeny bit more difficult. That and going up and down the stairs about 15 times on a Saturday morning (before any caffeine has been ingested) in the hopes of breaking her from refusing to sit in her chair. Oh yeah, and guess what broke her? When Daddy put her in the chair. Grr.
All I really want is about 20 minutes of peace and quiet. Truth be told, what I really want is a week on the beach with warm weather, a pile of books and no one needing or wanting anything from me. But I'll honestly settle for 20 minutes of peace and quiet. But the children do not seem to be able to wrap their heads around this concept. And I get that. Why would a 2-year old or a 1-year old feel the need to be quiet or do anything for someone else? They wouldn't. They don't understand that. And I understand that.
But it doesn't make it any easier...
I've had a couple tough days with the girls lately. The oldest is just getting done with a nasty cold and, of course, the youngest now has it. The cold makes them cough at night, which, of course, wakes me up. Several times. Every night.
On top of the colds, my oldest is having, oh, let's call them issues, shall we? She has figured out how to huff at me when I don't say something she likes...which tends to happen at least 20,000 times per day. She's been spending a lot of time in the corner for not talking nicely. And she's 2.
The youngest, on the other hand, doesn't want to eat in her chair and firmly believes that her father is God's gift. Now, her dad is a good guy. She wouldn't be here if he wasn't a good guy. That being said, when I'm the one doing absolutely everything for this child on a minute-to-minute basis, having her run to Daddy every time I say no makes life a teeny bit more difficult. That and going up and down the stairs about 15 times on a Saturday morning (before any caffeine has been ingested) in the hopes of breaking her from refusing to sit in her chair. Oh yeah, and guess what broke her? When Daddy put her in the chair. Grr.
All I really want is about 20 minutes of peace and quiet. Truth be told, what I really want is a week on the beach with warm weather, a pile of books and no one needing or wanting anything from me. But I'll honestly settle for 20 minutes of peace and quiet. But the children do not seem to be able to wrap their heads around this concept. And I get that. Why would a 2-year old or a 1-year old feel the need to be quiet or do anything for someone else? They wouldn't. They don't understand that. And I understand that.
But it doesn't make it any easier...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
What DO I Do All Day?
It seems my friends on Facebook are consistently coming across interesting articles. Recently, a friend of mine posted an article from the Washington Post. The article addresses what exactly a stay-at-home parent (specifically moms in this article) does all day. I thought the article was excellent and invite you all to read it and discuss amongst yourselves.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html
So, what do you think? I found the explanation of what a stay-at-home parent does pretty much spot on as I have a hard time explaining to other people what I do all day. Thank you, Carolyn Hax, for summing it up nicely for me!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html
So, what do you think? I found the explanation of what a stay-at-home parent does pretty much spot on as I have a hard time explaining to other people what I do all day. Thank you, Carolyn Hax, for summing it up nicely for me!
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Clean House is a ... House
I am not a big fan of cleaning. In fact, just for the sake of utter honestly, I pretty much hate it. And at this point in my life, I think I mostly hate it because I'm currently finding it rather discouraging. The girls are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2, right? So, they play with something for anywhere from 30 seconds to 20 minutes at a shot and then move onto the next thing. And I'm fine with that. I don't really mind the trail of toys they leave throughout the house. Fingerprints on the couch and tables don't freak me out. Crumbs on the carpet don't send me over the edge. That sort of stuff doesn't really bother me. But at a certain point, I become so utterly overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that is literally everywhere that I get kind of stuck. I don't know where to start. And the end is not ever in sight. And that is what I find discouraging, annoying, overwhelming and irritating.
So, readers, got any tips for a crazed mother of two? How do you keep up? Do you keep up? Is it worth keeping up? Is it even possible to keep up?
So, readers, got any tips for a crazed mother of two? How do you keep up? Do you keep up? Is it worth keeping up? Is it even possible to keep up?
Saturday, February 7, 2009
What're You Gonna Do?
We're having one of those days in our house. You know, the kind of day when the kids wake up early and it's all sort of downhill from there? We decided to take a family trip to the zoo and that was really fun for all of us. We spent the morning there and the girls behaved really well. We stopped off for a little treat on the way home and then headed back to the house. Both girls fell asleep in the car on the way and that's where the happy times ended.
When we got to the house, we had to wake the girls up to get them out of the car. Since they got up early, we figured they would just take early naps and then we'd enjoy the rest of the day. Oh, silly parents, that's dreamworld! The girls soooo did not nap, instead choosing to alternately scream at each other and then laugh hysterically. After about an hour and a half, we gave up the battle and put in a movie. Since the movie, my husband and I have literally been counting the hours/minutes/seconds until bedtime, between bouts of tearful toddlers, screeching toddlers, hungry but not willing to eat toddlers and generally unpleasant toddlers. Come bedtime I can pretty much guarantee I will head to bed to read while my husband will migrate to the couch to watch some sort of football/basketball/cricket/bowling game. And tomorrow will hopefully be a much brighter day for all of us.
So, readers, what're you gonna do when the day just doesn't work and there's still 12 hours to go?
When we got to the house, we had to wake the girls up to get them out of the car. Since they got up early, we figured they would just take early naps and then we'd enjoy the rest of the day. Oh, silly parents, that's dreamworld! The girls soooo did not nap, instead choosing to alternately scream at each other and then laugh hysterically. After about an hour and a half, we gave up the battle and put in a movie. Since the movie, my husband and I have literally been counting the hours/minutes/seconds until bedtime, between bouts of tearful toddlers, screeching toddlers, hungry but not willing to eat toddlers and generally unpleasant toddlers. Come bedtime I can pretty much guarantee I will head to bed to read while my husband will migrate to the couch to watch some sort of football/basketball/cricket/bowling game. And tomorrow will hopefully be a much brighter day for all of us.
So, readers, what're you gonna do when the day just doesn't work and there's still 12 hours to go?
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